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StarWarsHelmets.com features the VERY BEST helmets and costumes that have ever been created - from all over the World. However where there is Light, there is Dark. Wherever there is Beauty............

..There is sheer unadulterated pain, flatulence and ugliness!!!

This page is a light-hearted look at helmets and costumes which didn't quite make the grade. And before anyone starts bleating let me just say that I know that anything that's fan-made has probably had a lot of work done on it and I respect anyone who has the time and patience to produce their own props rather than throwing cash at it!

However this page is about the funny-side of our hobby. Such as: Dodgy costumes, dumb auctions, Stormtrooper falling over etc. etc. etc. So this page is NOT about bashing but more showing that we all need a laugh so I'm looking for anything that will prompt a grin - hopefully with the person featured rather than at them.

SO PLEASE EMAIL ME YOUR NIGHTMARE PICS!!!!!

First up -  me, courtesy 1979. A Don Post Mask, cereal box with some absolutely non screen-accurate blinky lights, cassette boxes on an ex-army belt and a bed-sheet dyed black and some motorcycle gloves. There's probably some Lego in there somewhere too.

Next - Be afraid, be very afraid!

Imagine yourself in the Jutland Wastes - home of the vicious Tusken Raiders, one of the most dangerous creatures in the galaxy. Then this little chap pops his head up!! Ass wipes not even got a Gaffi stick - move along! Thanks to TuskenTrooper for finding this one
Next up below is one of the Empire's feared foot soldiers - The Imperial Stormtrooper. Thanks to Bowjunkie for finding this little beauty....


It looks like someone's just sucked the crap outta him!
Next up below is his bigger brother. These shots sent to me by Aiwai from Norway it looks like the creator's gone for a similar "cardboard box and drainpipe" styling

At Least he looks happy!

I dunno, there's something about those mic tips that just isnt right!

..and below Aiwai's sent me another from the same creator who can I just say "Kudos to" for putting effort well beyond the call of duty in on this little beauty....

This time its the Dark Lord of the Piss - sorry Sith.

ON the subject of Vader, Thomas from the NEG has sent me the following which I believe may well be an early sculpt for the Episode 3 design... It looks like its made of tar.

left, here's an on-set photo from Episode 3.5, provisionally titled "Screaming Trooper Fags From Hell" this shot showing the new Imperial CampTrooper.

Nice to see he's got his Bitch with him.

Cheers to Chaucer for the pic!

This next one is great - against its been sent in by Thomas from the NEG its by boneboy (www.boneboy.com) and he's gone for a self-styled "Dagobah decapitated Vader" kind-of-look using a cheapo cut up Don Post mask and a bit of creative thought - Awesome!

Next - picture yourself on Tattooine  - and the scene as Jabba's beautiful dancer loses his favour and falls into the Rancor pit.

Oh alright then, don't......

Thanks to Aiwai again for finding this little beauty.
..and back to Vader again (why does everyone pick on him?) - Thanks to jt001 for this......

It looks more like GonzoVader to me

Aiwei's sent me a few more shots he's been searching out, including this Tusken raider which is actually really quite good apart from its HUGE jaw! On the right there's some chick dressed up as an R2 - WTF!.

..and below the same R2 (minus legs) with his buddy. I actually quite like these two!

Below a rare shot from the original (non politically correct) 1980 Spanish version of The Empire Strikes Back which suggested a certain Latino background for the man in black.

...and below a fat woman dressed as Wonder Woman. If anyone has pics of her dressed as RotJ Slave Leia then please DON'T send them to me - just burn 'em.

(shudder!) Now that is scary!. 

GeordieTrooper sent me these two Stormtroopers. The one on the left looks like he's got a marshmallow on his head and the one on the right looks like another Camptrooper in an alternative version of ANH when the troopers move in on Docking Bay '94 "oooooh Stop that bitch - slap him".

...and Geordietrooper's also sent me these pics below from his new book "Costuming and the hidden talents of Cardboard". Rob - you're a baaaad man!

I just love the look on the face of the little lad, as if to say "What the freaking hell are YOU two supposed to be, I mean pink socks. PINK?". Cy_trooper's the wicked man who sent this although Wolf from CA's just told me its Nicky and Will - shame on you!

Above, Dean P sent me these pics. I'm not sure whether I prefer the startled looking Tusken or maybe the Boussh who's just about to be arrested (clearly illustrating the point that just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should!) .

Now this next one I just love. "Hey why is everyone one laughing at me......". Actually to be fair this is EXACTLY the sort of mistake I would make! Thanks to Tommi S for this pic.

And below this pic sent by Red Otter this Biker Scout found on ebay. and next to him. On the right is a VERY special one, We believe this MAY have been one of the 1st ever original Stormtrooper helmets. Made by George Lucas when he was just 2 years old!

 
Respect to both these guys as their ebay auction was a LOT of fun to read (it had 4540 hits!). Mucho respect also to the guy who shelled out $34.27 to buy the little beauty. I expect the guy on the right is thinking now what his beauty is worth now! Thanks to Kent and John for the Pics. Keep your eye open for another "original" Stormtrooper Helmet on ebay!

I suggest you look away now if you've a weak heart.....

Its another self made Jabba the Hut

Part of me respects these guys that they're willing to take time out to create something.

But then another part of me looks at the photos and screams out
 "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!!!!!!"

Below, obligatory shots of Jabba (tongue out) with Slave Chicks.

 
Nooooooo, my eyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blame Michael for these, he sent me the pics, I'm only showing them.
 

Now I jus' LOVE these next ones. Its pics of Jeff V's Halloween Vader costume

Now Jeff would have us believe that they're from 1978 when he was six years old........

But don't believe a word of it - I know for a FACT that they were taken LAST YEAR at the Big Beaver Lick (Kentucky) 2004 Halloween Hoedown. Jeff, you may have won First prize but you're 33 for cryin' out loud - its about time you got yourself a better costume - midget or not!


This next one from Matt I really love.....

Its Death Star Man!
 

Below, several people sent me this one including Ed and Gus - Its currently on ebay so be quick!

The use of a cash register on his chest is an interesting idea!

While we're on the subject Aiwei's sent in this picture of Darth Bin-Bag

.....and a  very depressed looking Stormtrooper. His mate on the right "Jeez - you just farted didn't you? What you been eating - smells like a dead Dog"

Above a "Helmet" which recently appeared on Ebay, with photo in "Action Pose".

Holger's sent me this picture below of Dog Vader. Interesting I never realised Vader's cape was that colour. Sam's sent this pic in of Boba Fett's younger brother, Boba Crap.

Below, nine year old Corey sent me this of his new Tusken Raider helmet... I think this one was actually scrren-used..

Stephen N sent me this next one. It was on eBay and not bad when you first look at it....

Until you read the small print "Due to size and weight it will be unassembled prior to shipping but will be supplied with a set of custom printed building instructions." So basically you get a bag of bricks!.

Next up from Droopy McCool something that worries me may be the figment of his (cough) sexual fantasies....

I'm sure Freud would have quite a lot to say about that! Cheers to Marcus too.
...While in a similar vein - I just LOVE this Ebay auction for an MR saber. Good to see the sellers keeping abreast (ouch - sorry) of all new sales techniques. Cheers Chris.

WHAT A WAY TO GET THE BUYERS ATTENTION!!!

...I need a cold shower. Back on track another Stormtrooper helmet that looks like it was left out in the sun too long - aaaaah. I think he needs mouth braces. This one's from Tommi.

..and finally (for now) Doug H and his 1978 Vader costume (so I suppose given it was THAT long ago he's got an excuse). We dig the groovy chick and the hanging baskets although not so sure why Vader's PURPLE!

 

Here's Steve L's Vader from 1977 - love those Sun Glasses!

Above a pic of Orvie and friend (who appears to be a bear with a lipstick belt!)

The "Disco Idiots in Stormtrooper Suits" dept. called earlier. They say they want their "special" patient back. Thanks to Julie for this! I like the Michael Jackson "groin hold" in particular, eeeeeh heee!

Now this one probably shouldn't be in the Room of Doom since its actually quite good - in a Lego Star Wars kind of "good". Its Spongebob's cardboard Stormtrooper and I think he should go into production!

Apparently Kenner were on the verge of producing an action figure

Help - get me outta here!